1. Thank you God!
    Landlord called me back. Getting the keys to the new house tomorrow at 10am! So excited! and relieved!
    I’ve had some good times in my house, and some important life learning lessons, but in the end….I want to take better care of myself. And upgrading to a nicer house is important to me.

  2. rcrds:

    LORDE // Tennis Court (Flume Remix)

  3. foxnewsofficial:

    cumomelet:

    a riddle:

    a man is driving his son to school. they get into an accident and the man dies. the son is rushed to the hospital and when he arrives for emergency surgery the doctor says “i cant operate on this boy, he is my son!” how is this possible?

    omg one time our english teacher told us this to try and show what a modern thinker he was and we were all like “it’s a woman” and he was like oh wow i thought he was gay i hadn’t thought of that

    I want to use this at work. Put it on the board and say the first one to get it right gets a day off. And after 10 seconds of silence scream “THE DOCTOR IS A WOMAN YOU SEXIST PIECES OF SHIT!” And then have them work saturday.

  4. tango-mango:

    This recipe makes only two cookies.

    Albeit, two big, beautiful cookies. When I found this recipe, I liked the convenience factor of only five minutes prep time, and I loved the notion that I wouldn’t end up with a whole batch of cookies tempting me at every turn. However, I was skeptical. Would they be as good as my favorite Tollhouse? As it turned out, this is an awesome recipe, and those two cookies are every bit as good as their big batch buddies!

    I’ve made these twice. The first time around the cookies turned out great, but they didn’t have that ooey-gooey factor that I was hoping for. I made some changes for the second batch, which totally did the trick.

    If you like cookies that rise and then don’t deflate too much, follow the recipe exactly. If you want cookies that look mine pictured, use 1/4 cup flour minus 1 teaspoon. After you form the cookies, refrigerate them until cold, then remove from refrigerator and bring back up to almost room temperature before you bake.

    A clever recipe from No. 2 Pencil.

    Ingredients:

    • 2 tablespoons room temperature butter
    • 2 tablespoons firmly packed brown sugar
    • 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
    • Pinch of kosher salt
    • 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
    • 1 egg yolk
    • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
    • 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
    • 3 heaping tablespoons of semisweet chocolate chips (I chopped mine)

    Directions:

    Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

    Blend softened butter, sugars, salt, and vanilla together by hand. Add egg yolk and stir again. Add baking soda and flour and stir until combined. Stir in chocolate chips.

    Form cookie dough into two balls and place on baking sheet. The cookies will spread during baking, so make sure they are several inches apart. Bake for 8 to 9 minutes, or until edges are golden brown.

    Remove baking sheet from oven and give the baking sheet a firm, but careful bang on the counter top. This will deflate the cookie and give it a perfect wrinkly appearance. (I found this doesn’t always work, but I banged the baking sheet anyway.)

  5. twerkingderp:

    wtfml:

    navi-the-xenocide:

    mega-meister:

    So, if you put your URL in here, you can listen to all the music you’ve ever blogged.

    image

    Oh my sweet baby Jesus.

    The happiness I feel right now is amazing

    YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW LONG IVE BEEN LOOKING AND WAITING FOR THIS GODDAMN POST TO COME BACK AND THIS TIME IM FUCKING REFERENCING IT 

    (Source: pirouette-off-the-fucking-handle)

  6. I really want to be Cheryl from Archer for Halloween, but I feel like there isn’t enough to the costume so no one would get it. They would just think I was a girl who wanted to be choked a lot.

  7. sweet-bitsy:

    airbenderedacted:

    mspgay:

    mip mip mip mip

    omg

    I NEED FOUR HOURS OF THIS NOT FOUR SECONDS

  8. Here’s my current “I Have Traveled” map.

    Here’s my current “I Have Traveled” map.

  9. Dear God,

    Please let my new landlord call or text me tomorrow about getting keys to the house on Friday. I’m starting to worry it may have been a scam and I’m afraid.

  10. fuckyeahdykes:

    The Internet - Dontcha